I had one of those “but you don’t look sick” moments while out for a friend’s birthday last night as I made small talk with a drink in my hand. Someone asked me how work was going and my response was that it was good, but I’m still on a medical leave for another few weeks. “Medical leave eh?” he responded while eyeing up my drink. A little shocked I didn’t know how to reply before he said, “I’m just joking, just joking,” and the subject was changed….

But before I jump to offence, I can recognize it may look odd that I’m supposed to be recovering yet out celebrating. So I thought I would explain what my typical day looks like. I thought I would offer some insight…

Keep in mind that this is a “typical” day. Not every day, but most.
It usually begins around 3am….

3:00am: Woken up to go to the bathroom. (1) And let me be clear, each “bathroom” break is usually around 10 min. long and I’m in agony as my ass burns. (Just an FYI)

4:30am: Bathroom break (2) (break from my damn sleep).

6:20am: Bathroom break (3)

7:45am: Still awake. Fuck it, I’m getting up. Bathroom. (4)

8:15am: What should I have for breakfast? Since eggs, bread, greasy foods, dairy, sugar and raw foods make my stomach churn this is a daily question I ponder. So oatmeal it is. Every. Damn. Day.

8:20am: I want coffee. I need coffee. I crave coffee. I LOVE coffee….. Tea it is.

8:30am: Settling in on the couch with my tea and oatmeal. Bathroom break (5)

8:40am: Oatmeal is cold. Eat it any….Nope. Bathroom break. (6)

9:00-11:00am: Season 10 of Grey’s Anatomy.

11:15am: I should be productive. Maybe I’ll shower and get dressed. Bathroom break. (7)

12:00pm: What should I have for lunch? Probably should have a salad. But that’s painful. I want pizza. But that’s painful. Could have a sandwich. But then I’ll grumble all afternoon. Cheese and crackers it is. I’ll pay for that later.

12:15-1:15pm : More Greys. Anxiety creeping in.

1:30pm: I should study. Set up my textbook and notebook. Halfway through a paragraph….Bathroom break. (8) Lost my train of thought. Settle back in. Anxiety. Dog wants out. Bathroom break. (9)

4:00pm: Hoping someone comes home from work early. I cannot watch anymore Greys. And I cannot read about HR succession planning anymore. Dog wants out again. Bathroom (10) Mild (and silent) full on anxiety attack.

5:30pm: I debate what to have for dinner. My ass is sore. My stomach is uneasy (damn cheese for lunch) and I don’t have an appetite. But if I wait to eat any later, I’ll be up even more during the night. Rice it is. Anxiety

7:30pm: Prime-time TV. Maybe a basketball game. Half time. Anxiety. Bathroom break (11)

9:30pm: I get ready to go back to bed. Mainly because I’m tired from excessive bathroom breaks. But also because I’m just bored. Bathroom (12)

11:00pm: Anxiety….Almost asleep…Anxiety….drifting…. Nope…..bathroom (13).

GOODNIGHT.

After 5 days of this, a night out on a Friday to see more than just my family members is extremely appealing. And if I have an opportunity to drink and perhaps have some fun, I’m taking it. Not that I need to explain this to anyone, but I want to. And I assure you that 13 times a day is a LUXURY for me. Normal? No. But nice? Absolutely.

So my dear friend, not that it’s any of your business but that drink had consequences. Between 2am and 7am this morning I was up four times. And I am still guzzling water to make up for the dehydration alcohol causes me. But I had fun last night. So yes, I’m on a medical leave. And I’m going to take another 5 weeks of it….But let me thank you. For BUYING me that drink.